Quotes: Old Age

(that age when people prefer siestas to fiestas)


Quotations

Great Truths about Growing Old

  1. Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
  2. Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
  3. When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you’re down there.
  4. You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
  5. It’s frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
  6. Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.
  7. Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
—Contributed with original source unknown.

Fun is like life insurance; the older you get, the more it costs.

—Kim Hubbard

Apparent;y Senility has its Advantages

An elderly couple who were childhood sweethearts had married and settled down in their old neighborhood and were celebrating their fiftieth wedding anniversary.

They walked down the street to their old school. There they held hands as they found the old desk they'd shared and where he had carved "I love you, Sally." On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car practically at their feet.

She quickly picked it up, but they didn't know what to do with it so they took it home. There, she counted the money, and there was fifty thousand dollars from the bag.

The husband said, "We've got to give it back." She said, "Finders keepers, losers weepers." After which she put the money back in the bag and hid it up in their attic.

The next day, two FBI men were going from door-to-door in the neighborhood looking for the money and they showed up at the couple's home.

One of the agents asked, "Pardon me, but did either of you find any money that fell out of an armored car yesterday?"

The wife responded, "No."

The husband said, "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic."

She said, "Don't believe him, he's really getting very senile and doesn't know what he's talking about."

The agents sat the man down and one of them said, "Tell us the story from the beginning." The old man started, "Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday . . . ."

The FBI agent looked at his partner and standing up told him, "Let's get out of here."


—Story told by Art Linkletter in his book:
Old Age Is Not for Sissies; Viking Penguin, Inc.; 1988; Introduction, pages 3 & 4.

Age Stage

My barber’s tasks
Are swiftly run:
Shearing my locks
Is casual fun—
Whereas my doc,
And dentist, too,
Find far more complex
Things to do.
Would that I could
Regain time pure,
When hair was long
And ailments fewer!
—Robert Gordon

My goal in life is to die young at a ripe old age.

—Anonymous


A bikini is not so much a garment as a cloth-based reminder that your body parts have been migrating all these years.

—Mary Roach, “The Naked Truth” from The Reader’s Digest, February, 2004
Would that I could
Regain time pure,
When hair was long
And ailments fewer!
—Phyllis McGinley

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